Dancing - a way to step through grief

I love imagining dance choreography.  

Daydreaming. Dances that unfold in my mind while moving along to the rhythm of musical tunes. One, two, three, and four. All styles of music. I meditate away from reality through dance.

Sometimes I put those imagined dances to life and I feel the muscles of my body embrace the feeling of freedom. The sense of freedom I feel when I more than half-way succeed with a pirouette, almost like a feeling like a little bird. The joy.  

Freedom? 

It makes me think of the meaning of freedom in life. The importance of freedom. My mind drifts over to the love I feel when my fingers dance over the keyboard. Creating choreography by matching letters together to tell some story. Dances show stories. Stories filled with emotion, without any limitations. Stories told in a dance are pure and can be interpreted in uncounted directions, depending on the audience. My head is filled with dances to beautiful tunes, honest tunes. But the tools to let the stories free have faced boundaries. Boundaries that I can call “a travel through human emotions”. Simply put; grief. Identifying feelings and emotions in that journey is in itself a lesson in freedom - what it is, and the meaning of it. Especially when feelings can be expressed through dancing. I think dancing is my path through my own grief process. 

I stopped blogging for a while, but I did not stop believing there`s a everyday hero in everyone of us. It is about time my fingers grab a hold of the rhythm of the keyboard again. Without limitations. 

"On the Road Again"

"I'm still standing", the song by Elton John, inspires me often. It does not matter how I feel it always makes me get my go-getter attitude back.

Again, I left behind the fjords and Norway, where people wear their full skiing gear and carry their fancy skiis in the capital metro, behind. I boarded a plane back to Asia, and when I landed I felt a rush of happiness rushing through my body. An odd feeling of returning home. Perhaps, part of the reason I longed to come back to crazy traffic and beautiful colours satisfying my senses was that my curiosity of trying to understand the complexities of the Indian society and culture was cut short last summer with my father's passing.

Dramatically I went home for a dark fall and winter. It had been years since I had experienced the gradual process of the Nordic darkness becoming part of daily life. I don't believe in shoveling things under a chair. Even though I must admit it sometimes is a lot easier. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I do with my own grief process - wrap it inside nice wrapping and tie a nice bow on it. That way it becomes less tempting to let it fall into pieces. Admit-tingly though it does fall apart. Then I find strength in knowing that my father would want me to carry on, and I again brush off the bow and try to tie it nicely around the colourful wrapping paper. 

Re-tying the bow happens frequently. Sometimes it becomes a perfectly fine bow, that I'm sure any fashion designer would digg. Other times, I think it rather looks like a failed attempt of a 3 year old learning to tie their shoe. Even if I wrap it inside shiny paper the waves of ups and downs, the laughter, the tears, the difficulty to cry, the constant thinking, and the constant shoveling away any pain, I can't run and hide. Going to Asia does not make it less real. In a way to me, it makes it more real. Human emotions are real everywhere. The depth of them are just so much deeper than I realized before. It certainly is a wild world, so I'm glad my father introduced me to music and encouraged me to use my wings.

One thing I'm learning from finding the strength and encouragement to keep the nice wrapping from breaking into pieces is that I'll rather try doing something, than regretting not doing it. I rather care too much, than regret not caring at all. While I'm at it I dance to Sam Cook's "Good Times" and believe it is a wonderful world.

I'm on the road again.

Warm thoughts, caring hearts

Often the stereotype of Norwegians are that we are cold and reserved. Therefore I'm overwhelmed by all the compassion people have for each other at a personal level. Perhaps we don't politically align with each other at all, but when it comes down to it, it is not about politics. Nor does it matter where in the world people are located.  It's about basic human values of caring about the people whom crosses ones path. I realize I'm in a situation where it's more natural for people to stop up and care a bit extra, which I really appreciate. But it's not to stick under a chair that stopping and caring a little bit extra just because only does good. Because, as a great friend of mine says "if you love someone, you show them". It is as simple as that.

Personally delivered homemade food from a caring heart. The other day, I came home from work only to find a box of porridge in the fridge. It turned out it was from a dear friend who just wanted to show that she cares. Around a year ago porridge had that same extra touch of love to it, when I got homemade porridge at the hospital in Delhi. I never knew I'd learn to appreciate people so much through porridge making and personal delivery. Porridge is a symbol of caring hearts in my world.

What do you do when you can not personally deliver that soup/porridge or warm hug? 
As I have lived abroad for some years, I have come to terms with that sometimes people, or myself, are not physically there when things happen, nor in everyday life. Therefore I continue to try to figure out how to stay in touch with friends located far away. Thus I choose to believe that it is possible to show compassion with the use of technology. Although, I must admit that sometimes a physical hug would be better than a Facebook message, but when that's all there is, then that's far better than nothing at all.

During my years abroad, and hopefully in future ones, I have been extremely fortunate to have strong bonds to the people closest to me. No matter what has hit the fan, be it illness, broken hearts, death or other issues, ways of supporting each other has always been available no matter what the distance or time differences has been. Perhaps you wonder how this really works out or if it actually does. Therefore honestly, one aspect of how it works for me is habit and level of expectations. It might not be for everyone, as it is much nicer to have a face to face interaction with someone rather than over Skype, Facebook, e-mail or the phone. But oh man, the technologies are available making the distances seem smaller, making it easier to actively care.

It's about the little things that when done with warm thoughts and a caring heart can mean the world to someone else. Are you sitting there with a little "I want to make a difference in the world" inside of yourself? If the people around you are not doing well, then how can you go out there in the big world trying to make a difference? Or do you just want to get through the day? Either way start with the people around you.

That's what I'm trying to figure out these days.

Really what I wanted to do with this piece was to say thank you to all the wonderful people in my life, whom are all everyday heroes in my eyes. You all make the world a better place through being yourself with your warm thoughts and caring hearts.

My everyday hero

Who inspires you? What makes a person a hero?

Perhaps you'd mention the name of some great political figure, a musician or activist. That's what I thought to myself a few months back in hot Delhi when I thought about who really inspires me in life. Now, instead of focusing on those big names who has touched many lives, I want to focus on a everyday hero who touched some hearts right here at home in Norway. He certainly touched mine, and the people whom I stand dearly close to.

This man had a wonderfully warm and caring heart. He was a real "kjernekar" as we call it in Norwegian. Fairness and justice was extremely important to him, not to his personal benefit but for the benefit of all. In a sense compromise could be his middle name. He was the person who taught me how to think about and question things. He always made me think more than twice on my ideas and opinions. There was no easy way around it, because having a balanced perspective on issues and situations is essential to understand people and situations.  In order to do what is best for all. My father majorly partook in introducing me to caring about people.

One of my biggest heroes, my father, was the biggest fan of this blog. Therefore I will continue to write it in dedication to his memory and compassionate spirit.

Appreciate the people around you and care about them. In human interaction it is about the little things we do for each other, and it can make a major difference. It can be simple as a smile.

Sexual Rights, Health and HIV/AIDS - Ask Your Questions

Do you have questions about Sexual Rights, Health and maybe HIV/AIDS? 

Naz Foundation (India) Trust  gives you the chance to ask your questions on their brand new blog.  At nazindia.wordpress.com they will update their readers about their HIV/AIDS Care, support and advocacy work in New Delhi, India every other week. The dedicated NGO’s founder and Executive Director Anjali Gopalan was among the Times 100 Most Influential People in the World 2012. So be sure to ask your questions to an pioneering NGO in the field of sexual rights and health in India! 

Here's your chance to get your questions answered. If you do not want to write directly there please do not hesitate to contact me directly as I'd be happy to ask your questions for you. 

People Come, People Go

There are many situations in life that makes you feel lonely. Forces you to be lonely.

Being an expat in a big city like Delhi, coming from the countryside, I did not consider that it applied to me when loneliness was discussed at orientation. But it did, and it does. Throughout my time here, I've met incredible people. Coming from across the world and they are fascinating people with warm hearts. These wonderful people, who comes and goes have all provided perspectives and insights into their way of understanding the world. Everyone, either I've met them for a day or several months have added spices to my life, as if there's not enough spices in India already. And then they leave, as many people are travelling through or have short-term internships or other incredible reasons to visit.

One day I was asked about missing people - and I miss people everyday, but the reality is it's not all that bad. First of you get used to missing people, but the great aspect is that I have so many incredible people whom I can call friends across the world. I rather have to miss them, than never met them at all.
Then the question you might ponder is; what do you do when no-one you know are there? It has a simple answer; you learn to hug the feeling of loneliness. You learn to appreciate it - the time to do whatever you want to do. If you want to dance like a maniac in your flat, then do it and giggle while you are at it.

But no, I'll not glorify the feeling of loneliness, but it is certainly a feeling and a state of mind worth embracing and appreciate. It might just take time. Learning to cook dinner for one, and eating it yourself may take time. But hey, nobody has ever said you cannot have a candlelit dinner alone, now have they?
The point is, the feeling of loneliness that comes will living abroad can be loved and cherished, it up to yourself how you embrace it. You learn to know yourself better and can make room for new incredible people whom might come tomorrow.

I Live in a Country Where People Break Out in Beautiful Songs and Melodies

Standing in the bus, I hear a man singing.  I cannot remember anything but his voice formulating a Bollywood melody.  I cannot remember how he looked like. But I know he sounded happy. Auto-rides have many a times given me a reason to smile with the loud melodies from the music system, or my favourite; when autodrivers break out in song. I always wonder if they are extraordinary happy in that moment while singing, or if perhaps they just do it because they want, because they can.

Walking down the streets of Oslo, street singers are the only ones seen singing. If I started singing in the streets of Oslo people would questioning my sanity. I’m from a place where people never sing when shopping, now living somewhere I hear it regularly. People randomly break out in song and I love it. It’s one aspect of living in India that teaches you to appreciate all the small things. Appreciate the people around you; your loved ones, and the ones who breakout into song – or back home, those who dearly long to sing out loud while wearing their winter coats.

Thinking back to when I first arrived in Asia, about 10 months ago – I did not imagine that random singing on the streets would be one of the things I will keep close in my heart when I one day return back North. But it is, it really is. It adds a happy melody to everyday life.The singing adds an additional melody to life. Perhaps I will sing in the streets of Oslo when I return home to the cold North? The things that inspires you to smile are worth keeping deep inside your heart.